By Marc Steinsaltz Israeli Correspondent for Diversity Chronicle
(H.Avenger: Another great piece of satire from Diversity Chronicle. We are honored to say this piece was inspired by AntiRacist Hitler)
Under Israel’s extreme right-wing government, peaceful, beautiful, creative, and vibrant undocumented African migrants have been arrested and housed in concentration camps against their will. Thousands of intelligent, hard working, and law abiding Africans who only came to the state of Israel in search of a better life, and to make Israel an even stronger nation, have somehow been labelled a “threat” to Israel’s “Jewishness.” These people came with love in their hearts for Jews. For their naivety, they were segregated, numbered, locked up behind barbed wire, and then deported!
Undocumented migrants are often denied the right to work in Israel, to marry Israeli citizens, or even to use the state’s welfare programs. This is an obscenity and a violation of their most basic human rights! According to UN conventions on the rights of migrant peoples, Israel must grant full and complete legal equality to all undocumented migrants! This includes Arab migrants, Filipino guest workers, Somali pirates, and anyone else who resides or has resided in the past in Israel.
Fortunately, a group of progressive Israelis known as “Jews For Social Justice” are demanding that the state grant full equality to undocumented migrants. The group demands that Israel open its borders, so that peaceful people can enter the country freely. The spokesman for the group, Moshe Ficklestein, observed in a speech earlier today that “Jews are literally choking to death on their own Jewishness. They are suffocating from being Jewish in a Jewish state, they are dying inside from the despair, boredom, and emptiness of ethnic homogeneity. Israel is a sick society literally dying from a lack of diversity! Our nation is as boring, unexciting, and as tasteless as a piece of dry matzah, it needs African seasoning, and the more the better!”
Ficklestein’s speech was interrupted with boos and hollers from enraged Israeli racists and fanatical nationalists who insisted that Israel must survive as an exclusively “Jewish” state, whatever that means. I thought the idea of racial or ethnic states went out of fashion with the fall of the Third Reich. Alas, evidently not! The idea of a “pure” racial state lives on in Israel! Shocking, but true.
As Ficklestein continued speaking, he noted that “Jerusalem is devoid of a variety of authentic ethnic restaurants. At dance clubs lonely Jewish girls are forced to dance with Jewish males, instead of vibrant young African men. The African men are frankly, more exciting dance partners, as well as more interesting partners in every sense of the term! I speak from personal experience here. They possess superior virility and sexual stamina, so sadly many Jewish men resent them because of this! Those who oppose my policies are frankly jealous of African males! Sexual jealousy and uniformed petty bigotry drive all who oppose my policies! Feigned love for Israel or Jews is a mere smokescreen! These people are haters and racists. They are afraid of being cuckolded. Do not be fooled!”
